Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Porn in the Multiplex

Last week TW and I debated and debated and debated about what film to go see. Our choices: Snakes on a Plane – no explanation needed – or the Crash Pad – a lesbian porn film. Both films were playing at 7pm. Both films were playing at the large multiplex theater. And both films offered a compelling narrative.

So after innumerable hours of debate we opted for Snakes on a Plane. But since the show was sold out we settled for lesbian porn.

We bought tickets. We got seats. We settled in. And we waited with great anticipation for the narrative arc to begin. The film started. The sex started. The narrative arc, however, never started. So. The sleeping started instead.

As soon as my head hit the back of the movie theater seat I was out. I remember nothing of those 72 minutes of my life.

TW has since recounted for me – numerous times – how I sat in the middle of the 300-person theater with my head thrown back, my mouth wide open, and my nose emitting a patented snore/sniffle sound.

How she nudged me in the ribs throughout the film to awaken me from my hazy slumber.

How the 76-year old women with the walker seated next to us got up to move to another seat out of range of my wayward drool.

And how numerous other theater patrons turned from the screen and started hucking popcorn at my head.

Well, at least I got some free popcorn.

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