Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Is that you behind the tree or just the Keebler Elves?

On the bus this afternoon a gaggle of high school field hockey players fresh from practice – adorned in plaid kilts, shin guards, and holding field hockey sticks – discussed fellow students they considered to be beneath them.

While discussing a particularly icky specimen of a boy one of the girls – most likely the goalie given her girth in comparison to the others – commented, "He looks like he’s spent most of his life behind a tree."

I, not privy to what life behind a tree might look like, am still trying to wrap my head around that concept. But of course that won’t stop me from co-opting that as an insult the next time someone cuts me in line at Starbucks.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Funny har har or funny hee hee

At the gym yesterday I geared myself up for a rousing workout. The type of workout that gets your blood pumping, your adrenaline rushing, and your face bright, bright red.

So: I stepped onto the treadmill, set the incline level and speed, and began to walk. However, within three minutes of my thirty-minute workout I heard chuckles, giggles, and guffaws from the man on the treadmill directly behind me.

Since I did not have the coordination to turn around for fear of falling off the treadmill I tried to ignore the laughter although I secretly feared he was laughing at me. Thus, in an effort to assure myself that he had no reason to laugh in my direction, I looked down at my attire - mismatched black and gray socks, large green shorts resembling garbage bags, and a sweat stained t-shirt. After this cursory perusal of my attire I determined that I must not be the target of his amusement. Right?

So. I continued. And so did he.

In an effort to reassure myself again I looked down to make sure my underwear was where it should be, my shoes were on the right feet, and my bra was not on the outside of my shirt. Again I saw fit to continue on my way. And, again, so did he.

Finally, after ten minutes of this abuse I stopped the treadmill mid-climb, stepped off the machine, and slowly walked over to the man. “I’m sorry. But what is so funny?” He did not immediately respond. So I asked again. This time he took his iPod earphones out of his ears and remarked, “Sorry, I didn’t hear or see you because I am watching reruns of Law and Order: SVU on my iPod. Man, let me tell you, that Detective Stabler really keeps me in stitches.”

Ah yes. The Law and Order defense – quite clever.

Friday, September 01, 2006

well that's inovative...

Last night I spied a mini cooper advertising one of the least innovatively named companies I have ever seen.

The name: innovative innovations inc.

Call me crazy, but if I were looking for an innovative innovation I would likely choose a company with a more innovative name. On second thought, I guess since I am spending time discussing their innovative name I must concede that they won this point. Argh.

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